In the last seven months my strength, sanity, independence and confidence has been tested in such ways yet you look at me with such love… Such unconditional love that it is over flowing into all depths of my being. Your certainty of my strength would overwhelm me as I lay day in and day out for months and months begging bubs to stay in my womb, begging the bleeding to stop. If we could just make it one more day we would be just that much closer… That much stronger. We would remind each other, we made it one more day and now we will concur tomorrow.
Every doubt or fear in my mind as I was rushed into the emergency rooms would be counter acted by the certainty in the endless depths of those big brown eyes. The certainty and that unconditional love, the certainty of strength I sometimes forget I even possess, the certainty of such knowledge that is so deeply woven into your makeup that you just know it’s going to be okay and that makes every doubt melt away. Maybe our baby will be blessed with those same deep brown eyes filled with your knowledge.
I have grown so much during these moments, I have grown so much for the better. Learning how any strong independent person can be cared for and not have their independence and confidence vanish. But yet allowing stubbornness to vanish instead and in it’s place a trusting bond to be nurtured, where confidence and independence still flourish. Your gentle none judgmental loving manner of caring fully has changed my preconceived notions on this. You never once made me feel a burden in any shape or form for all the extra work load that had been placed on you. Instead you greeted it with a smile! A smile and no hesitation… And that endless flow of unconditional love. I thank you from the depths of my heart for this growth.
Day by day, week by week, now month by month. Twenty four weeks is long gone…This love has healed so much more then my body and mind. This over flow of unconditional love that you bathe us both in.
Looking down at all these little marks from me growing so big and stretching and having you kiss them and tell me how beautiful they are and how they will always be there to remind us of our baby. What a gift!! What a crazy gift this all has been and I never thought I would feel that way after going through a high risk pregnancy after a miscarriage but now I do. We are healed now, we are on the home stretch and we have grown in immeasurable ways together as well as individuals!
You are the most amazing father, nurturer, lover, soul mate, best friend, husband and partner for eternity. I wish all of humanity could experience such unconditional love. Love with no bounds and conditions only loving for the sake of being in love. And I am so excited to continue this journey with you, to be carrying a part of you in my womb and to know that you will be beside me during this life adventure.
Xo
Photo credit to Emily Christie
Laura Lee Harasym 